Sunday, July 17, 2011

Do You Ever Find Yourself Struggling for Something in Life?

Do you ever find yourself struggling for something in life? In spite of all the answers, solutions, and alternatives at our surroundings, we tend to go looking beyond and going in circles in areas of our lives that could very well be in order by now. What does it take? Do we need a silent revelation or a thunderous voice to direct our every move? Where does it end?

Today I had prepared an after-church one person dinner (no one invited me to share) which included a T-bone steak with fries and mushrooms. It was delicious but just a tad over cooked since I really like medium rare. The interesting thing to me was that I found myself going for the T-BONE again as in the past and digging deep to scrape the meat off the bone! It was like I had no meat left. Then, I realized I had cut the meat off the bone, set it aside and went full force on the “struggle” for the meat on the bone! What a bone head, I thought. But, then it hit me. I do the same when it comes to other things.

For one, I don’t like seedless pumpkin seeds or sunflower seeds. It’s so much more pleasurable for me to crack them and eat them one a time. I also prefer not knowing the answer to everything mystery and enjoy the surprises. I don’t like to know what my Christmas gifts are and especially do not like when others try to figure out what I wrapped for them until they open it!

There is a mystery in life that I enjoy to some degree that may be a characteristic fiber I haven’t figured out yet. It was much more enjoyable for me to be surprised in movie outcomes than to hear those around me say what they think is going to happen (by the way, I hate that!). I have found myself getting lost on the road driving and expecting to find my way without asking or even “knowing where the heck I’m going”…is that crazy or what? Wait a minute, I have always found my way though.

If I can speak for myself, there tends to be an inner fiber of mystery and challenge woven within my being that at times cries out for help from somebody, anybody. There have been many times when I looked at others and thought or felt inadequate or insignificant next to their so called “big names, titles, or degrees” until I noticed all their own weaknesses and ugly characteristics. No need for me to feel superior, but thank God I am me and not them. I realized that people are people and no matter what, we are all alike to some degree. Much of the people I thought I should admire turned out to be people I have learned a lot of what I do not want to be like. On the other hand, there are many I admire and would love to get to know better.

There are people who remind me of the “meat” I cut off my T-Bone and set aside to struggle and scrape off the bone. People who show their kindness and genuine spirit without putting that fake front to appear bigger and better. Those are the ones who make me want to look deeper in my soul and find the person who was created for greatness. In spite of the struggles imposed or otherwise, help me define the stages of forgiveness for past hurts and disappointments and focus on what I have to give to others. I applaud the winners in my life for showing me to be bigger than vengeance and greater than unforgiveness. I constantly search to find same minded individuals who drive me to greatness.

The struggles only have the power we give them. If we find a way to the answers through struggle than it’s perfectly fine. The key is to not get stifled in the same routine year after year looking for life solutions that lie within our own hearts. A struggle is only a mechanism of survival and utilizing it to the best our abilities can open the impossible doors of success and victory. However, today I put down the bone and cherish my victory of every imposed obstacle.I release and forgive everyone who has ever done me wrong and claim my ticket to the impossible and triumphant voyage. Let our struggles be only for the purification of our souls and the cleansing our inner gratifications. Let go; be happy and struggle no more!

Edwin Martinez, PHR, LMBT
7/16/11